Home
by Keilfleckbaerbling
Summary: A collection of one shots about Jane and Lisbon throughout time. Some of them will be episode tags, others take place after the series finale. This is my weak attempt at keeping the characters alive. Latest chapter (7): A small tag to 6x15.
1. months after 7x13 -- Home

A/N: This is going to be a collection of one-shots about The Mentalist, or more precisely about Jane and Lisbon. Some of them will be tags to specific episodes (indicated in the chapter title), others one-shots that happened after the finale of the series and are therefore not linked to any episode. They won't necessarily be in chronological order, but I'll try to use the chapter titles to avoid any confusions when it comes to the timeline.

I know there are many one-shot collections out there already (by far more talented writers than myself) but somehow writing helps me to deal with the fact that my favourite tv-show has ended; it's my way of keeping the characters alive.  
The stories will be across all genres, from very fluffy to angsty, but I can promise you that they'll never end on a purely sad note, I'm just not made for unhappy endings, not even in one shots.

Reviews (especially also critical ones) are very much appreciated. English isn't my first language and I'm eager to improve.

I have no idea where that first chapter came from. Pure fluff.

* * *

**Home**

The blinds of her bedroom were open and the dim light of the moon, or rather even if less romantic, of the streetlights illuminated the three new bags with baby stuff on her dresser.

Lisbon sighed: "That's it", she said, "we're not going to buy any more things before we move." She could sense Jane's grin more than she saw it. The covers rustled as he moved closer and put his hand on her slowly growing baby bump.

"I'll remind you next time we're in a shop." – "No", she pointed at the bags and tried not to think about all the other stuff all over the house. "This has to stop, Jane. Moving is annoying enough without adding more and more things to my…", she corrected herself, "to our household."

She laid her hand on his. "I'm only four and half months in…if the house really is more or less ready in two months, we'll have more than enough time to buy all the rest afterwards."

Whether that'd be the case was a different question, but Lisbon was determined not to worry about that. Jane promised her he'd deal with everything house related and knowing him, he'd find a way; even if it meant bribing the workers or hypnotising them. The less she knew, the better. She hadn't said this to him, but Lisbon was secretly relieved that Jane had decided to get some professional help to speed the whole process up. She very much doubted that reading books, even if it was many of them, or having helped to fix a caravan once in a while 20 years ago, enabled someone to build a house.

Jane chuckled. "I don't think one or two boxes more will make such a huge difference –" "Boxes? I'd happy if that'd be all. If I hadn't stopped you today, you would have bought that crib and hell knows what else."

Lisbon had always hated moving, like everyone else probably, but it was even worse now. She'd had her fair share of packing and unpacking boxes in the last few years and wasn't that eager for another round.

"Meh". Jane mused: "Besides, it's not as if you'd had that much stuff, anyhow. I think we'll be able to move all of this pretty quickly". He took her hand in his, suddenly more serious.

"I'm sorry you'll have to move again."

Lisbon turned on her side to face him. "Why would you say that? I like the land you got us", she smiled at him, "and the cabin, even if it doesn't really deserve that name any longer. "

Jane grinned: "It'll always be our cabin to me. But I'm glad to hear that. It's just… I'm afraid I'm not entirely guiltless of the numerous relocations, or relocation attempts in your past."

Lisbon raised an eyebrow at him, surprised that he'd even go there.

"You could say that." She pushed a strand his of hair back. "However, it wasn't your fault alone and I don't regret that my last attempt to move failed, not even for a second." she whispered and kissed him, very softly. His hands cupped her face and for a while no one said a word.

His forehead was touching hers and Lisbon had closed her eyes, just basking in his presence.

"It is a nice house though, I can understand that you don't like to leave it behind." She opened her eyes and pulled back to look at him. That thought hadn't even entered her head. The moving was annoying; leaving this house on the other hand didn't bother her at all.

She shrugged. "I don't care about the house. It's just a place, as good as any other." She'd realised that a long time ago. She didn't grow attached to houses, it just wasn't like her.

"It never felt like home for you, didn't it?"

It was a weird question and Lisbon answered without thinking. "Of course it did." Or didn't it?

"What does home even mean?", Lisbon continued. "It's a nice place, and it's warm and safe; I think you'd call that a home. It served me well. And I've never heard you complain either. It's a far cry from the airstream, that's for sure."

She didn't really mean her last words. She couldn't explain why, but she grew to love the airstream.

It struck her out of nowhere, but to her horror she realised that she would miss the airstream more than her house.

Jane remained silent, just looking at her.

If she was honest with herself, this house indeed never had felt like home. The same was true for her house in Washington. Everyone that visited it had loved it, even envied her for the fireplace…but not her. She'd enjoyed the fireplace, no question, but it hadn't felt like home. Not the kind of home Jane had been referring to. It hadn't felt like her place, like a place she loved to be, a place she'd miss, a place she'd wanted to go back to. It just had felt lonely.

Jane seemed to feel the tinge of sadness that occupied her thoughts and pulled her closer.

"Maybe there's a bit of a carnie in me too, deep down", she tried to joke. "I don't need a house or flat, this could also explain why I can't hate the airstream. And believe me, I tried."

"Or you just haven't found the right place yet", Jane said softly. He looked at her intently and she knew that he needed to hear the truth, that he deserved to hear the truth. She still was getting used to this. Since she'd told him for the first time that she'd loved him on that bench in the park, surrounded by her family. Slowly she was learning to open up completely, to lay bare everything. She trusted him and she wasn't any longer scared to seem vulnerable.

She touched the ring on her necklace, without even realising it.

"No, I found that a long time ago. I'm just afraid it isn't a place, or a house." She traced the line of his cheek, her fingers slightly trembling.

"My home doesn't have four walls or a roof", she whispered.

Home, she thought and closed her eyes. All she saw was him and everything that reminded her of him. That's why she'd loved her office back at the CBI more than her flat in Sacramento, or the seemingly perfect house in Canon River. That's why she felt more at ease in the tiny airstream than she'd ever had in this house, or any other house for the matter.

She opened her eyes again. Her vision was slightly blurred and she blinked the tears away.

"Damn hormones", she murmured, slightly embarrassed. Jane laughed and pulled her close, burying his face in the nape of her neck.

She took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. Being close to him made her feel calm, and save, and loved. It made her feel at home.

"I love you", she whispered as he tightened his grip around her.

Jane pulled back and smiled at her. His eyes were suspiciously shiny.

"And I love you."

There was so much joy in his eyes, so much open affection. Her heart rate spiked, at seeing him like this, seeing him so happy.

"We'll just have to be each other's home, then", he said. She felt his hand on her stomach.

"And we'll provide the best home there is for him, or her."

Lisbon smiled through the tears that filled her eyes once again.

"We will." She sealed her words with a kiss. A kiss full of love and hope, a kiss that felt like coming home.


	2. 7x12 -- Don't ever do that to me again

**7x12 - Don't ever do that to me again  
**

He stood still at the entry to the waiting room. She hadn't heard him, didn't look up. Jane grasped the jacket he had in his hands tighter. She was waiting for him. She'd buried her face in her hands; looking very tired. No one else was in the room with her, which was why she'd allowed herself this sign of weakness in the first place.

Jane swallowed hard. His ears were still ringing and his throat felt sore from the smoke he'd inhaled, but he hardly felt any of this. He only saw her. She'd brought him immediately to the hospital, not even waiting until the back-up showed up at the scene.

They hadn't spoken much during the drive here, partly because he'd had difficulties to breathe, let alone speak. However, that hadn't been the only reason. He hadn't seen her that scared in a long time. Her knuckles had been white, because she'd gripped the steering wheel that strongly. She seemed in shock, hardly believing that she found him. And he'd been equally stunned – recovering from the explosion and only slowly realising that it was over. He'd felt surprisingly calm during the whole abduction; he'd always felt in control. Keller had been a lunatic, but in his own way predictable and easy to read.

Jane still hadn't said a word and he couldn't take his eyes of her. She looked beyond tired – exhaustion – that was the word that described her most accurately. Suddenly Jane wanted nothing more than to take her home.

"Hi", his voice still sounded a bit hoarse.

She looked up at his words and he smiled at her reassuringly.

"How are you?", she asked him as he walked over and took a seat beside her.

"I'm fine. It takes more than a bit of smoke and gas to keep me in a hospital". He grinned at her, but immediately saw that his words hadn't been enough to calm her.

"Seriously, I'm good. A sore throat and a bit of a headache is the worst I have to expect for the next days." He took her hand. "Thanks to you."

He wasn't sure he would have been able to get out of the building on his own before the whole house got up in flames.

"Thank you", he added softly, never taking his eyes of her. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm not the one that was kidnapped by a crazy killer", she answered, almost defensively. Jane shrugged, before he added. "You know what I mean."

Her phone started ringing that moment and Jane sighed, as she pulled it out of her pocket,.

"It's Abbott", she said after looking at the caller's ID. "I guess he wants an update on you."

"Can I talk to him?", he asked her. She seemed a tad surprised but she gave him the phone nonetheless. "Sure, go ahead."

"Abbott", Jane greeted his boss.

"Its Jane. Yeah, I'm fine, no need to worry. Listen… " , he began, to avoid any further questions concerning his well being. "There's something you should know…" In as few words as possible he told Abbott what had happened and that he'd found a body hidden in Keller's basement.

After Abbott in turn had informed him about the newest developments at the scene, Jane asked: "Do you need me", he glanced at Lisbon and corrected himself, "do you need us at the office, today?" He couldn't prevent a grin when he heard Abbott's reply.

"Sounds fine with me. I'll be sure to pass the message on to Lisbon", he said and winked at Lisbon, who looked more confused by the minute.

He disconnected the call and handed her the phone back.

"All done."

"What did he say? Did they find Keller?", she asked him.

Jane shook his head. "They're still not able to enter the house, too much heat. It will be at least a few hours before the fire is fully extinguished. I don't think he could survive that, but we'll know more tomorrow."

He stood up. "There's nothing we can do at the moment. Oh, and before I forget it, Abbott doesn't want to see you even close to the office before you got at least 10 hours of sleep."

Lisbon smiled at him, for the first time since she found him in that house.

"I had no intentions of going there today."

"Glad to hear that." He offered her his hand and pulled her on her feet. He wanted nothing more than to get as far away as possible from that hospital.

* * *

The moment Jane entered the house he felt the tiredness in his whole body. It had been easy to ignore it in the hospital, but here in the comfort of her home, he didn't feel like pretending any more. However, he couldn't allow himself to sleep just yet - Lisbon had been right, even if he'd tried to protest for a moment in the car, but they needed to eat something. She'd stopped at their favourite Thai and got them something for a late lunch, or early diner.

"Why don't you take a shower while I warm up the food", she suggested. The idea to get rid of the stench of smoke that followed him was appealing. He nodded. "Ok. I'll be back soon."

And he kept his word. Hardly five minutes later they were sitting at the table. Lisbon still seemed slightly beside herself and he hadn't wanted to leave her alone longer than necessary. But that was only half the truth; he also hadn't wanted to stay away from her for his own sake.

They ate mostly in silence again and even if Lisbon tried to persuade him otherwise, he insisted on doing the dishes afterwards, while she took a shower herself.

He waited for her in her bedroom.

"Hi", he said softly as she stepped out of the bathroom.

"Hey you", she answered and he took a deep breath to calm himself. He'd thought himself unaffected by what had happened, but now he felt the relief of being here with her wash over him. There had been a moment the night before, where he'd wondered whether he would ever see her again.

She hadn't said a word about it yet, but he saw it in her eyes; she went through hell the last day, maybe even more so than himself. At least he'd known that she was safe and alive – Lisbon on the other hand had to be expecting the worst.

Her thoughts seemed to revolve around the same topic – but she seemed to come to a different conclusion than him.

She folded her arms in front of her body.

"I told you this was a bad idea!"

Jane almost laughed, despite the seriousness of the situation. This was so typical Lisbon. Instead of dealing with the fear she'd experienced, she chose to be angry at him. He could understand her, but he also knew that this wouldn't work, not this time.

"You want to argue about that, now?", he asked her. "Fine, we can do that. I just did my job, I thought that's what you wanted. I thought you of all people should understand that."

She looked at him, clearly staggered that he would dare to use her own argument against her.

"That's not the same! You made it personal, Jane; you put yourself out there as bait. Abbott never should have allowed it. He even told me as much!" Her voice had grown louder with each word. That was good. She needed to get this out of her system, before he'd be able to really talk to her.

He shrugged. "Maybe you're right, maybe it wasn't exactly the same. However, it worked, we've got him…or at least it looks like that. Who knows how many innocent people he could have killed already if he hadn't been occupied talking to me?"

"And what if he had killed you?", she shouted at him. "Did you think about that?"

"I did, every single minute he hold me captive. " His answer completely took the wind out of her sails and he literally could see how her anger collapsed.

"I thought about how I'd never be able to see you, I thought about all I would miss. I thought about how you'd feel…, "he swallowed against the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. He remembered what he'd told her on the cemetery after Vega's funeral, how he wouldn't care if he died. He couldn't have been more wrong.

"I did everything I could to get out of there, to get back to you!"

She blinked against the tear and Jane slowly approached her.

"And I did everything I could to find you", she whispered.

"And you did find me."

She grasped his arms for support.

"I can't lose you. Not after all that happened, not now!", her voice failed her. "You can't leave me Jane. I... I need you."

He pulled her close, pressing a kiss into her still damp hair as sobs shook her small body.

"I'm here now", he whispered, holding her tight against him. "I'm here."

He kept on saying that, just holding her in his arms until she slowly calmed down. She seemed embarrassed when she finally looked up at him with tear-stained cheeks. He shook his head before she could speak.

"Don't you dare to apologise for that."

She smiled at him as he so easily saw through her. "Ok", she whispered.

Jane tilted her chin up and kissed her softly.

* * *

Jane watched her sleep, unable to drift off himself. She looked so peaceful now, but still in her sleep she clung to him. He couldn't resist and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder, pulling her even closer. She only slightly stirred in her sleep and curled even more into him.

"_Don't leave me, Jane",_ that's what she'd said. She'd been scared and not just while he'd been abducted. Her fear went deeper. He'd left her hardly two weeks ago. Even worse, he'd left her after they'd lost a colleague. Instead of being there for here, he'd run away. He had needed the time to think, but it still didn't justify what he'd done to her; again.

"I'm sorry", Jane murmured against her neck, even if he knew that she couldn't hear him. He wouldn't disappoint here ever again. He played with the ring on his finger.

He actually had planned to wait a while longer, to get the house ready first…but the last day taught him not to waste any more time. They'd waited long enough; or more precisely he'd made her wait long enough. He would ask her the following day. He couldn't wait to see her reaction, to finally show her and the whole world that he was hers.


	3. shortly after 7x01 - Unexpected visitors

A/N: I started writing this before season 7 even started, but somehow I never found the motivation to finish it, until now. Takes place at the beginning of season 7 and is slightly AU, because Jane and Lisbon's secret is revealed way before this happened on the show.

* * *

**Unexpected visitors**

„The Boss is gonna hate this."

Grace laughed as they stepped on the porch. „You have to stop calling her that." She knocked at the door and looked at Wayne.

„She doesn't like surprises, that may be true, but she'll be happy to see us."

She shook her head in disbelief. „I still can't understand why she's here. She had the ticket, all her things were packed and ready to go when we last spoke."

Wayne just shrugged but he didn't have time for an answer anyway, because that moment Lisbon opened the door.

She seemed clearly surprised, but as Grace had suspected, after the first shock passed, a huge smile lit up her face.

„What are you two doing here?", she asked and hugged first Grace and then Wayne.

„Well...we could ask you the same." Grace replied with a smile as they entered the house.

Wayne was a bit more forthcoming. „We visited a client in Houston and decided to stay over the weekend in Texas to pay Cho a visit."

They all sat down in the living room and Lisbon opened a bottle of wine. Grace noted that Lisbon seemed different. She couldn't explain why she had that impression, but something had clearly changed. She seemed genuinely happy. It was a weird thought, implying that she hadn't been happy before, but Grace couldn't shake it off. She hadn't seen Lisbon that relaxed in years, if ever at all.

"We had no idea that you're still here until Cho mentioned it this afternoon", Wayne explained her after they settled in with a glass each.

"How are Maddy and Ben?" Lisbon asked and Grace recognised this as weak attempt to change the topic; this was getting more and more suspicious. What the hell had happened? She wouldn't let her former Boss off the hook that easily.

"They're great. We left them with my mother for a few days."

She leaned back in her chair.

"How is…" Grace realised that she couldn't even remember his name, but Lisbon knew immediately what she was talking about.

"Marcus?", her cheeks turned red; she seemed embarrassed.

"We're no longer together." Lisbon avoided looking at her. "He's in D.C. now." Grace wasn't surprised. She'd expected this the moment Cho told her that Lisbon stayed in Austin, what other explanation for this sudden change in plan could there have been?

"What happened-", she never managed to finish the sentence, because that moment the door opened.

They all turned around and Grace couldn't believe her eyes as Jane entered.

"Teresa, I'm back…" He looked up and froze as he saw them.

"Unexpected visitors." He overcame his first amazement immediately and grinned at them the way only Jane could.

"What a nice surprise!"

Grace got up to greet him. Jane had entered without knocking…he clearly had been expected. Could it be…Grace didn't dare to finish the thought; it was impossible. Or was it? After all that happened, after Marcus…Grace had given up hope.

She'd thought Lisbon had seemed embarrassed before…but that was nothing in comparison to now.

Their former boss stood up and put her hands in her jean's pockets.

"Hi", she said to Jane, as if she'd only seen him now. Grace gazed from her to him. Jane seemed a little unsure suddenly. He looked at Lisbon with slightly raised eyebrows, almost as if he was asking her a question.

Lisbon hold his gaze for a moment and then shrugged as if in resignation.

"Do I get a greeting as well?", she asked him and even if Grace had thought it to be impossible, the smile on Jane's face grew even wider.

Jane didn't need a second invitation; he walked over to Lisbon and pulled her close, his hands on her waist. Grace just stared at them, not believing what she saw.

"Hey", Jane murmured and without wasting another second he draw Lisbon even closer and kissed her. Grace hardly could prevent a squeak.

"Hi", Lisbon replied, as they broke apart, cheeks even more flushed than before. She gripped his arm as if for support, before she dared to look back at her and Wayne.

"I knew it!", Wayne exclaimed triumphantly. "Cho owes me 50 bucks."

Grace closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head in disbelief. Jane started to laugh, a sound so new to Grace's ear that she couldn't help but laugh with him.

"What the hell is this supposed to mean?"

Lisbon sounded a lot like their former boss again and Wayne suddenly seemed a lot smaller.

"It's nothing". He tried to explain himself.

"Did you bet on us?." Jane pulled her closer, but she didn't even seem to notice.

"How long was this going on, Rigbsy?" Lisbon turned around as he avoided her gaze and stared at her instead. "Van Pelt?"

Still laughing Grace just shook her head. "Don't look at me." She noted that Lisbon fell back into old patterns; they were Rigbsy and Van Pelt again. Well she could do that to. "I had nothing to do with it, Boss."

Lisbon just stared at her for a second, blinking in confusion, before her frown turned into a smile.

"I guess I deserved that", she murmured and a still chuckling Jane used that moment to kiss her on the cheek and add: "Couldn't agree more. Why don't we sit down?"

Lisbon looked a him. "You probably want some wine too?"

Jane grinned. "That would be lovely. "

Lisbon sat back down again. "Then get yourself a glass, we clearly don't have to pretend any longer that you don't know where they are."

Grace couldn't stop looking at them after they all settled down. There was more than enough space on the couch but it hadn't stopped them from sitting so close to each other that their legs and shoulders were touching. Grace wondered whether they even had realised it. Lisbon probably not.

She saw that Wayne tried to catch her eye, silently begging her to say something…anything that would stop Lisbon from glaring at him. Grace grinned and even if he deserved it, she herself was way to curious to give Lisbon any more time to stare down her husband.

"So", she began and as expected Lisbon focused on her. "You're together now, huh?"

The reaction she got on the other hand wasn't expected at all. Lisbon tensed visible; she obviously didn't feel comfortable talking about her relationship.

"What do you think?", Jane asked back and while he still smiled at her and Wayne, Grace was sure that he'd noticed it too.

"How about we order some pizza, as in the good old CBI days?", he suggested that moment, "we could even give Cho a call, maybe he joins."

The rather sudden change in topic, for the second time in only a few minutes, made Grace sigh mentally. She probably should get used to the idea, that whatever brought the two finally together, would remain a secret. Grace was curious, but not to the point were she would willingly put Lisbon in a situation that clearly stressed her. The most important thing was, that Jane and Lisbon finally sorted everything out; how it'd happened was only secondary.

It was a lot later that evening, when Grace suddenly and unexpectedly got a glimpse into what had happened between her former co-workers. Cho and Rigsby were still in the living room and she could hear them laughing as she came back from the bathroom – however, it was a different voice that caught her immediate attention.

"Relax, Lisbon", Jane said softly. Grace saw them in the kitchen around the corner; she herself was partly hidden from their view by a bookshelf. She knew that she should walk back to the boys, but somehow her curiosity got the best of her and she stayed.

"I am relaxed…it's just", Lisbon sighed and put the last dishes into the dish-washer. "Every time Grace looks at me I'm afraid she's gonna ask me what happened."

Jane looked at her for a moment, before he very carefully asked: "And what would be so bad about that?" He smiled at her, but even from her hidden corner, Grace could see that the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"I know you'd rather kept this a secret for a while longer, but now that the truth is out there, a few details won't harm you."

Grace was sure that Lisbon must felt Jane's forced indifference, he was obviously hurt by her behaviour, but her former boss chose not to look at him.

"That's not it", Lisbon sighed.

"It won't need much to make Grace happy. It isn't as if we have to tell her in every detail what I told you", he took Lisbon's hand, "what I said is between you and me alone."

Lisbon raised her eyebrows: "And the 50 other passenger on that plane, in case you forgot that."

Jane grinned at her. "Meh, that's just a tiny detail."

Plane, passengers… Grace wondered for a moment whether she'd understood that correctly. What the hell had a plane to do with this?

"I'm actually surprised you didn't tell Grace about that right away. I mean me tumbling over an airport fence makes for a entertaining story, I'd guess. After all you're not the one that stormed an plane and got arrested. I should be the one reluctant to talk, here."

Lisbon shook her head. "Most people would probably call that a romantic gesture and swoon at you, and you know that very well. I actually imagine Grace would consider it exactly that way."

She hated to admit it, but the idea of Jane chasing after a plane to, as it seemed, confess his love… the thought alone made Grace tear up. Lisbon's prediction of her reaction was spot on.

"You're not one of them, then?", Jane asked Lisbon, but the way he smirked at her made Grace believe that he knew her answer very well. The response he got was that she hit him on the arm.

"You know very well how I feel about that", Lisbon admitted, deeply blushing and it didn't help that Jane chose that moment to kiss her hand.

"Idiot", Lisbon murmured, but she couldn't prevent a smile.

Jane grinned at her. "I promise we keep it a secret that there's a true romantic heart hidden somewhere in that fierce aget. I'd bet Cho and Rigsby would spend the rest of the evening teasing me about the whole thing and that will distract them from any further questions about you. And I have to admit, considering the embarrassing fact that I managed to twist my ankle, I might even deserve their mocking."

Lisbon suddenly looked a lot more serious. "It's not your behaviour, which was embarrassing." She started to put away the dishes again, obviously an attempt to avoid having to look at Jane.

"Teresa – " Jane began and Grace felt even more like an intruder. Hearing Jane calling Lisbon by her first name moved her deeply.

"They're not going to ask you about him, believe me."

Lisbon turned around to face him. "Maybe not implicitly, but this doesn't change what they're thinking. It was horrible, what I did." She looked up at Jane, suddenly shocked that he could misunderstand her words.

"I mean..", she swallowed, "I don't regret that I stayed, not for a second. It's everything that happened before that I resent." She rubbed her hands over her forehead. "I never should have let it come that far, I-"

Grace would never learn what Lisbon meant with that, because Jane took that moment to take Lisbon's hand in his and stop her line of thought.

"You never intended to hurt him. And this wasn't entirely your fault, Teresa. I played a part in this too. I could have said something months before you even met him and I didn't."

Lisbon still didn't look at him.

"These are your friends outside there", Jane continued. "Your happiness is what matters to them. No one is going to blame you, Lisbon."

She finally lifted her eyes up to him. "That is not true, I blame myself." Jane tucked a renegade lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I know", he whispered, "even if you shouldn't. Is there something I can do to help you?" He took both her hands in his.

Lisbon smiled at him, an honest and affectionate smile. "You do more than you think. You're making me happy". She kissed him and Grace looked away. She had a bad conscience for watching them, for eavesdropping on them, but part of her was glad that she'd stayed. After all these two went through, it was such a relief to see them finding comfort in each other.

"I'll get over it", Lisbon told Jane softly. "I will never like how I used him, but I'll learn to forgive myself." She hugged Jane fiercely. "I just want you to know that whenever I dodge questions about us, it has nothing to do with you. And not even for a second I want you to think that I'm embarrassed of you. What we have means everything to me, I need you to know that."

Jane tilted her chin up, so that he could look at her. "I do know that", he whispered and as he kissed Lisbon again, Grace slowly walked away with a smile on her face.


	4. 7x11 -- Forgiven

A/N: episode tag to 7x11, takes place after the end of the episode

* * *

07x11 — forgiven

Jane woke up and blinked a few times. The first thing he noticed was that he was alone in bed. He sat up. He had been surprised and very relieved when Lisbon had agreed to come with him to the airstream after they found Gabriel. They both had been exhausted and after a week away from her, all that Jane wanted was to sleep with her in his arms. However, he hadn't been so sure Lisbon would want the same. They hadn't spoken much on their way home, but she'd had hold on to him very tightly once they lay down and for a moment he 'd thought that everything was alright between them. It seemed, he couldn't have been more wrong.

He was used to being awake at night for hours. After being insomniac for so many years, he only slowly developed a normal sleeping pattern again. That's why he knew very well that Lisbon never woke up at night…. not unless something was haunting her.

He stood up and walked to the front of the airstream. She was sitting on the driver's seat, her legs folded underneath her. She shivered slightly in only her thin jersey and Jane closed the window they'd left open before he sat down in the passenger seat.

"Hey", he said. Lisbon hadn't turned a lamp on, nor had he and the only source of light came from outside. It was a clear night and millions of stars covered the dark sky. He had left the airstream close to the land he planned to buy, but hadn't told her yet. There were only few sources of artificial light close by and the night sky shone so much brighter than in the middle of the city.

"Hi." She didn't look at him and his heart sunk as he saw how she tried to wipe a few tears away without him noticing. Lisbon crying was bad enough on its own, but if she hid it from him it was even worse.

"What are you doing here", he asked her softly, not taking his eyes of her. Her hands played nervously with the hem of her jersey. She tried to pull it further down as if she was cold. How long was she already sitting here, had she been sleeping at all?

"Just thinking." She still didn't look at him, her voice barely a whisper. He waited a moment, but she didn't continue.

"Thinking about what?", he asked. Lisbon's eyes were transfixed on the steering wheel in front of her, not him, not the sky outside the window. Jane had a dreading feeling that he knew what her next words would be.

"I'm wondering about what would need to happen that I'd seat myself behind this wheel and just drove away." She followed the brown leather of the steering wheel with her fingers, barely touching it.

"Nothing", she said after a moment, slowly gripping the steering wheel. She laughed, a short laugh, bordering close to being a sob.

"I couldn't think of anything that could make me run away - from you. Isn't that pathetic."

"I came back, Teresa. I -", she finally turned around and the words died in his throat.

"No, Jane. You didn't come back. I had you arrested and brought back to Austin."

He swallowed. "But I intended to come back, all along. I just needed time to think."

"How much time?", she focused again on the dashboard in front of her. "When would you have decided to let me know that you're still alive? Another week from now, or a month, or maybe a year, or never at all?" He couldn't stand the distance between them any longer and stood up to stand beside her.

"I would have called, I would have come back at some point." She still avoided looking at him. "The same way you told me yesterday that you wouldn't keep ignoring my calls?"

He felt a pang of guilt rush through him. He wanted to call her back the evening before, but he'd been drunk and tired and…even in his head these were all weak excuses. A short call, or even only a text…it wouldn't have needed much. He didn't really know himself why he hadn't done it.

"I happily give you time, all the time you needed. I just wanted to hear from you that you're alright." She wiped a few tears away again and Jane suddenly felt her pain as if it was his own.

"I know", she said, "this was - this is difficult for you. Losing Vega, knowing that it happened on the job…", she turned around to look at him. "Tell me, Jane. Did you, even only for a second, think about how I felt, how I feel about all this? You think I'm soldering on." She repeated the word he'd used the day before, as if it was an insult. "Soldering on. Do you think that's all this is to me? That I don't feel anything, just because I try to go on. Do you think I don't suffer because we lost one of our people? Do you think I didn't care that you just left."

She was openly crying now and Jane felt as if someone had stabbed him. Her words cut him like a knife, because they were the truth. He'd been so absorbed in himself, only imagining what could have been, how he wouldn't be able to handle losing her, remembering how he felt the last time, trying to find a way how he could prevent exactly that from ever happening again…that he hadn't really thought about her. He'd been plain selfish - once again.

"I'm so sorry, Teresa", he said, crouching down beside her seat.

"Me dying doesn't hurt me", she threw the words back at him, the words he'd said on the cemetery to her. He'd panicked that moment, had spoken without thinking about the consequences. He halfheartedly hoped that she might forget what he said that day, but it seemed his word had burned themselves into her memory.

"And what about me, Jane? What would that do to me? What would it do to me when you just disappear, one way or the other?"

"I'm so sorry", he repeated. It sounded hollow, but it was all he could offer her.

"I'm back now."

She looked at him trough her tears. "You said as much earlier today. But what does it mean. I see that you're back now. But what about tomorrow, what about in a week from now?"

He took both her hands in his. "I'll be here. I'll always be here from now on. I made a terrible mistake, but you have to believe me, I never planned to leave you. Never." He felt hot tears on his own cheeks. "I needed to figure some things out, to find a way to cope with the reality of your job. I just had to get away, see something different, stay away from all the murder and pain…just for a while." He blinked the tears away. "I panicked. I should have talked to you, I know that now. I hurt you and I won't ever forgive myself for that, but I'll try to make it up to you. I promise."

Lisbon slid out of the chair into his arms, joining him on the floor. "I love you, Teresa", he whispered into her hair as he hold her. "I can't live without you."

She tightened her grip around him. "I love you, too. And maybe I shouldn't but I forgive you, and so should you." Jane closed his eyes at her words. He didn't deserve her, not after all he'd done to her. That moment, he swore to himself never to hurt her again. He would show her the land he planned to buy the next morning. He would build them a house, a future. He took her face in his hands and brushed the last tears away. He would ask her to marry him. Not right now, not after all he put her through. He'd give her some time, time to learn to trust him again. She might have forgiven him, but that wasn't enough. He would proof to her, that she could trust him; always.

"I love you", he said again and kissed her. They hadn't kissed since his return and only now he really felt at home again. Their kiss began slowly, almost tentatively, but not for long. He'd missed her so much and judging by her response, Lisbon had felt the same. He stood up, never losing contact to her and led her back to the bed.

They loved each other, wild and frantic at first, desperate to reconnect. Then slow and tender, a second time, never losing eye contact, reaffirming their love for each other. Lisbon fell asleep almost immediately afterwards, curled up against him. Jane watched her, unable to drift off himself. He planted a soft kiss on her forehead and was rewarded with a faint smile. It was almost enough to make him tear up again. She looked at peace now, happy. He would do everything in his power to keep it that way.


	5. a few months after 7x13 -- Painkillers

A/N: It's so typical. I started this one-shot weeks (no even months) ago, but I never felt motivated or inspired to finish it. And now that I started a multichapter and should work on that, my muse decides that she wants to finish this. Sigh. Here you go.

Takes place a few month's after White Orchids.

* * *

Jane smiled as he walked into the bullpen. Lisbon had been on a stake out the whole night and he decided to surprise her by taking her out for lunch. At least that was one reason, he also intended to trick her into going home earlier that day. However, he needed to be careful doing that. The pregnancy was something he wasn't allowed to mention during that conversation, otherwise she would stay at work until 7pm, at least. She hated it if he, or anybody else for the matter, used the pregnancy as an argument for why she should or shouldn't do something. Lisbon was five months in and she didn't want to hear a word about slowing down, or taking a break more often. Jane grinned. He'd expected nothing else from her. He nevertheless had his methods to make sure that she did get enough rest and eat properly… of course without her realising what he was doing.

Lisbon's desk was empty and Jane sighed.

"Jane?", Cho came out of his office, he seemed surprised to see him. Very surprised. Jane suddenly felt a queasiness in his stomach. Something was wrong, very wrong.

"Where is Lisbon?", he asked, without wasting time for a greeting.

"She didn't call you?", Cho asked him in return, clearly stunned.

"No, she didn't", Jane's voice sounded louder than he'd anticipated. "What happened, Cho?"

There was a short pause and Cho took a deep breath that made Jane's heart miss a beat. Something bad must have happened.

"There was an incident this morning - Lisbon got shot." Jane felt all the blood drain from his face and Cho hastily added, "She was wearing her vest, of course. They took her to the hospital for a check-up."

Jane felt the panic rush trough him. "Is she ok?" He swallowed, "Is the baby ok?"

Cho put a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, Jane. Everything is all right. She called me from the hospital about an hour ago and told me that they're discharging her. The baby is perfectly fine."

"What about Lisbon", Jane didn't miss that Cho hadn't mentioned her, "what about her. How is she?"

Cho sighed. "She has two broken ribs and a few bruises, but she told me not to worry. A few days of rest is all she needs."

The agent shook his head in disbelief. "I was sure she called you. I asked her whether I should send someone to drive her home and she told me that it wasn't necessary. I naturally thought that this meant you were going to pick her up."

Jane sat down on Lisbon's empty chair for a moment. Cho put a hand on his shoulder. "She's fine, Jane. They're both fine."

* * *

"Lisbon?", he opened the door and stepped over the tiles on the floor that were intended to adorn their bathroom. He'd planned to work on them that afternoon. Lisbon personally had chosen them just a few days ago. The house was a long way still from being finished, but this didn't stop them from spending most of their time already in here. The living room was more or less finished and Jane stepped around their bed that found it's place here, until he managed to finish the floor in their actual bedroom.

"Lisbon?", he called again, but his heart sank already. She wasn't here. Just to be sure he checked the bathroom and the kitchen, but he would have been more than surprised to find here in either of those rooms. They had more resemblance to a construction site still than an actual place to live.

The last room he went in was the nursery, the only room in the house that was completely finished already. Empty, she wasn't here. Jane took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself and took his phone out once more. He'd tried to call her several times, in vain. He stepped out of the house and out of the corner of his eyes he saw a silver flash. The sun reflected on the airstream, they'd parked on their land. Suddenly he knew where she was. He cursed at himself for not thinking about this before. She was in pain and scared, and trying to avoid him. Injured animals tended to crawl into small dark spaces, and while she'd kill him if she ever learned that he made that analogy, she she'd done the equivalent. She chose the airstream to hide from him.

* * *

Lisbon closed her eyes and tried to ignore the buzzing of her phone on the table. Each time it vibrated it moved closer to the edge of the table. Each phone call she ignored drove it further towards the edge and the inevitable fall. If she hadn't been in that much pain, she might have laughed. It was strangely symbolic of her situation. She couldn't avoid talking to him forever, each missed call, each minute passing only would make the fall harder.

The buzzing stopped and Lisbon opened her eyes. The end of her phone already was in the air; one more call would finish it.

Her breath caught in her throat as she saw a shadow pass the window of the airstream. She tried to sit more upright, a hand pressed against her injured ribs.

He opened the door and his eyes searched her's immediately. The relief on his face obvious, and a wave of guilt washed over her. He must had been terrified.

"Hi", she said, trying to sound as normal as she could, ignoring the stabbing pain.

"Hey", his voice was strained and Lisbon swallowed; he was angry. She couldn't blame him.

He walked over and in passing moved her phone back onto the smooth surface of the table. One fall prevented, another one still outstanding.

He sat down on the couch on the other side of the trailer, just looking at her as if waiting for an explanation. She knew she owed him one, but she just couldn't find the right words. She took a deep breath, and her visions blurred for a moment as a new wave of pain shot through her.

"You're early, today", he noted drily and Lisbon laughed, which immediately turned into something close to a sob, as her ribs protested. It took all her strength not to cry out in pain.

He was by her side before she even realised it, a hand on her knee.

"What happened, Teresa", he asked her softly. He should be angry, she half wished him to shout at her, but instead there was so much love in his eyes; it made her only feel worse.

"It was nothing", she said, only taking shallow breaths to minimise the pain. "I got shot but the vest prevented any real damage."

His grip on her knee tightened and she didn't even think, but took his hand in his.

"I thought Cho doesn't allow you to go out to the field anymore, why were you even there?"

"I was supposed to wait in the car", she didn't look at him. "It escalated so quickly. They went to arrest his father and suddenly the boy was in the door with a gun-"

"The boy you told me about yesterday?", he asked her.

Lisbon nodded. "He was just scared. I thought he might listen to me, he seemed to like me in the interview, so I tried to talk to him...".

She blinked the tears away. "He didn't do it on purpose. Local police entered the house from the back and he panicked. It was all a misunderstanding."

It had all gone so fast. Suddenly she'd heard the shot and found herself on the floor.

"I... I couldn't breathe." She remembered and her hands immediately went to her baby bump, as they had when it happened.

"I hardly felt any pain in the beginning I just was so afraid that he might be hurt."

Her memory of everything that happened immediately afterwards was fuzzy. They'd taken off her kevlar vest to help her breathe again, but with each breath pain had soared through her. The boy had been crying, asking over and over again whether she'd be fine. They'd took her to the hospital and she'd almost wept as they told her that her son was fine. Cho talked to her, but she couldn't recall his words.

"You should have called me."

She looked up at Jane. His face was pale and his hands were shaking.

"I'm sorry", she whispered.

He sat down beside her. "Can you imagine how I felt when I entered the bullpen and you weren't there? Or the moment I saw Cho and knew something happened?"

Droplets of sweat had formed on her forehead and she just hoped that he wouldn't see them. He was annoyed at her, and he had every right to be. She almost killed their son. A wave of guilt washed over her as she realised that he didn't even know this yet. They'd hoped to learn their child's sex next week during her doctor's appointment. And now she'd even taken that from him. The doctor in the hospital had led it slip accidentally as he checked whether everything was ok with the baby. She hadn't even realised it at the time. A boy, she was going to have a boy.

"Are you listening to me, Teresa?" Jane's voice brought her back to the present. The pain made her dizzy and she had difficulties to focus on what he said.

She nodded, but she had no idea what he'd asked her.

"Are you ok, Teresa?", he seemed worried now. She closed her eyes as he gently brushed a strain of hair out of her face.

"I'm fine", she said, putting his hand on her belly, "and so is he."

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "And how is the pain?"

"It's not too bad", she lied.

"Liar", he whispered against her hair. "Didn't they give you something against the pain?", he asked her.

"They did give me something." She'd hesitated just a moment too long with her answer and she could see a frown appear between his eyebrows.

He moved back a bit to better look at her.

"They gave you something, but you decided not to take it?"

He didn't wait for her answer, but stood up and took her purse from the small table. It didn't take him long to find the still closed bottle.

She shook her head as he turned the cap.

"I don't want it", she said stubbornly.

Jane sighed and went to fetch a glass of water. "They wouldn't have given the meds to you if they would be bad for the baby", he reasoned with her as he came back to sit down beside her.

She shook her head again. "I don't need them, the pain isn't too bad", she said, while each breath cut through her like a burning knife. "I don't want to put the baby in any more danger, even if the doctors said it would be ok."

She very carefully leaned against him with her uninjured side.

"Is that really the only reason?", Jane asked her carefully. "You're not tormenting yourself because you think you deserve the pain, aren't you?"

Lisbon wanted to laugh at his comment, but to her horror she felt hot tears on her cheeks.

"No", she managed to choke out between sobs, that silently shook her and sent waves of pain through her body. Jane cradled her against him, very gently not to hurt her even more.

"This wasn't your fault, Teresa", he whispered.

"It's just, what if something had happened to him", she sobbed, unable to calm down.

"The baby is fine", he insisted and stroked her hair. "And even if...", he had to try again, "even if something would have happened. I would never have blamed you, Teresa."

He looked at her. "Do you hear me? I'd never blame you!"

Slowly her sobs ebbed away, but he didn't let go of her.

"I know what this job means to you. I won't lie, I'm scared, I'll always be scared, but I never would blame you if something happened to you... or our child." He pressed a gentle kiss to her head.

"I love you, Teresa."

Lisbon closed her eyes and focused on him; not the pain, not what could have happened; only on him.

"Being in the office more often isn't as bad as I thought", she murmured against his chest.

"What?", she could hear the confusion in his voice.

"It's not that bad being less often in the field", she said. "I like doing interviews, even more so if you're there too." She knew that her words didn't make a lot of sense, but she was sure he would understand her nevertheless.

"Maybe I'll stay back at the office more often, even after our child is born."

Jane pressed another kiss to her hair.

"You don't have do decide anything now, Lisbon. You're scared and you're in pain. You shouldn't make such decisions now, ok?"

She nodded against his chest. "Okay." She felt so incredibly tired, but she could never sleep if each breath made her lungs feel as if they were on fire.

"Are you gonna take the painkillers, now?", Jane asked softly after a moment. She shook her head.

"I said I don't want them."

She could feel Jane's sigh more than she heard it.

"Then let me help you with the pain, at least."

She frowned even if he couldn't see it, because she was too tired to lift her head.

"I'm not letting you hypnotise me", she said to him, with more force in her voice than before.

"It's one or the other, you can choose. I'm not going to watch you suffer any longer, Teresa. Either you let me help you, or you take the pills. Besides, it's not really hypnosis-"

"That's blackmail", she protested.

Jane shrugged, "I never said I'd play fair. The painkillers, or me, it's your choice. But you have to choose now, or I'll do it for you."

"No painkillers", she murmured. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction to tell him in her own words that she wanted the hypnosis.

He settled her more comfortable against him, still stroking her hair.

"I want you to concentrate on the pain for me, Teresa?" He laid one hand very tenderly on her broken ribs, barely touching her.

"Can you feel it, can you feel the pain with every breath?"

She nodded, small droplets of sweat appearing on her forehead.

"I thought you said you're gonna help me, not making it worse", she panted.

"Patience, woman", he whispered close to hear ear.

"Inhale deeply now, embrace the pain", he instructed her, "and now exhale, very slowly. I want you to imagine how you push the pain away. Inhale again and then push it away."

His voice was very soft and she felt herself relax.

"With each breath the pain will fade away. More and more." She'd closed her eyes, concentrating on his voice.

"Breathe in...and out again, pushing all the pain away. In... and out. Can you feel it fade away? Breathe in...and out."

"Jane", she whispered after a few minutes, the pain only a dull ache in her chest, barely noticeable.

"It's a boy." She suddenly remembered that she hadn't told him yet. "The doctor let it slip", her tongue felt very tired and she had difficulties staying awake. "It's a boy."

"I know", he said and she fancied herself to hear a smile in his voice. "You called the baby him a few times."

She felt his hands on her stomach. "You have to sleep now, Teresa. You need the rest so that you can heal quickly and be strong for our son." She closed her eyes again.

"I love you", she managed to murmur.

She hardly heard his reply, already half asleep.

"You are safe now and you are loved. Both of you."


	6. 6x14 -- Responsibility

**A/N: I don't really know where that came from. A small tag to 6x14 (Grey Water). I'm not really happy with the result, but I just needed to write something (in the hope that it gets me out of my writing block so that I finally can finish my other story) and the idea of writing a one-shot to that episode stuck to me ever since I saw it for the first time (it's one of my least favourite episodes. Everything in it just seemed off). So here it is, feel free to criticise and comment on it.**

* * *

**Responsibility **

A heavy knock at the door of the Airstream jolted Jane out of his thoughts. He sighed, it couldn't be more than an hour since he finally managed to escape Fischer and now she was back already, presumably with a new case.

Another knock could be heard; more forcefully. The woman didn't have any patience - at all.

"I'm coming," Jane called irritably, before she could hit a dent in his new car. "This better be impor…" the words died on his lips as the door swung open an he was faced with Lisbon and not Fischer. His heart lurched in his chest.

"Lisbon!" He couldn't believe that he hadn't recognised her knock; he was getting slow.

"Where have you been, Jane?" She didn't bother with a greeting. Angry and impatience seemed a pretty accurate description of her state though, he'd at least gotten that part right.

"I was working," he said after a short moment, feigning innocence. He hadn't expected her, but now that she was here, he had a pretty good idea what this was all about. She didn't wait for an invitation, but moved past him into the airstream. She hadn't seen it yet. He'd offered her a ride during their last case, but her reaction had made it clear what she thought of his new home and he hadn't dared to mention it again.

He followed her every movement with his eyes, observing her reaction. It was ridiculous, but having her in the Airstream made him nervous. He couldn't really explain why it was of such importance to him, whether she liked his new home or not.

Lisbon turned around to face him, studying him in turn. Jane shuffled slightly, seemingly at unease when she focused solely on him. He smiled at her, but it didn't reach his eyes - it was a rather feeble attempt at distracting her. Well, it wouldn't work, she'd had enough of his evasive tactics. For the first time in a while, she actually took the time to look at him and her heart sunk. She saw a weariness in his eyes, she hadn't seen in a very long time - not since his return from South America. He tried to hide it, but now that she'd seen it, he couldn't deceive her any longer. The lines around his eyes looked deeper too - he hadn't been sleeping well.

"Where have you been?" she asked him again, not taking her eyes off his.

"I told you. I've been working the case with Fischer-"

She didn't let him finish. "She's back since an hour, I saw her in the office."

He avoided her gaze and sat down on his couch.

"I tried to call you", Lisbon continued after a moment, as it became obvious that he didn't intend to give her an explanation. He flinched at her words. It was almost imperceptible, but knowing what to look for, Lisbon hadn't missed it.

"My battery must have died. I'm sorry." He looked up at her, his mask in place again. "You found me now, so what did you want?" His voice sounded cold - disinterested. She couldn't believe he'd just asked her that. Lisbon swallowed, biting back what she actually longed to say - or rather shout. He wanted to provoke her, that much was obvious, but she wouldn't let him, not before he told her the truth. She remembered him flinching and the glint of guilt she'd seen in his eyes. He knew exactly why she was here. What she didn't understand was, why on earth he would pretend otherwise.

"Do you want a cup of tea", he asked her as she struggled to find the appropriate answer to his remark.

"No", she said vehemently, harsher than she'd intended to.

"I'm afraid I don't have any coffee.." his words trailed off as she glared at him.

"The hell, Jane." He flinched again and this time it was impossible to miss.

"What is wrong with you?" She pointed at the window, through which the FBI building could be seen. "Grace and Wayne are inside with Cho, trying to figure out who attacked them and you're hiding in here?"

He didn't look at her, which made her even angrier.

"I guess that means you don't want a tea," he murmured unimpressed.

"Did you even hear what I said?" She asked him again.

"I've heard you clear and loudly." He looked up, seemingly annoyed. "What do you expect me to say, Lisbon? I told you, I was working. I didn't choose to be away the whole day, it's not my fault someone got murdered."

"Bullshit," Lisbon called him out. "As if something like his would have ever stopped you in the past." She glared at him. "If you'd wanted to help your friends, you would have found a way to ditch Fischer, or at least to be back earlier."

Jane couldn't miss how she particularly emphasised the word friends. He remained silent.

"What the hell is going on, Jane?" Her voice was softer now, rather worried than angry, which made Jane feel even worse.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, well, then let me explain. Ardiles and LaRoche are dead and our friends were almost killed by some maniac too. But instead of doing everything you can to help them, you're using every excuse to get away from them.. and from me."

Jane blinked, but didn't waiver under her gaze. She apparently wasn't yet finished with him.

"I'm not blind, Jane, I can see that something's wrong. You hardly spoke to Rigsby and Van Pelt since they arrived. Why do you act as if you don't care?"

He shrugged. "Maybe because I do not care. Did you ever consider that?" He'd expected her to look hurt, hoping and fearing at the same time that she'd give up on him and leave him alone.

Instead her face softened. "I know that's not true, Jane. I can see how much it affects you, how much it affected you ever since Ardiles' death. You don't sleep well, you're broody, you're…" she stopped, hesitating for the first time since she came into his airstream. She took a deep breath before she continued, "you remind me of a version of you I never hoped to see again."

Jane swallowed and his chest tightened painfully. He hadn't realised how easily she saw through him these days, maybe always had. For years she'd been the only person that had cared enough to have a closer look, to see through his mask however hard he'd tried to keep her out. It was terrifying and relieving at the same time, learning that she still cared for him, that not even two years apart had changed that.

"Talk to me, Jane." She was almost pleading now and Jane felt his resolution waver. Something else she seemed to sense, because she chose that moment to sat down beside him, her hand brushing against his.

He resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands - she was already worried enough.

"This is all my fault," he said finally, not looking at her.

"What?"

He sighed, trying again. "It's my fault, all of it. Ardiles, LaRoche…."

"No, it's not." Lisbon said stubbornly, standing up again. "Why on earth would you even think that, Jane?"

He looked up at her, sadly. He should have known, it was pointless, she wouldn't listen.

"Because it's the truth. Just think about it, for a moment." He lifted his hands as she opened her mouth to object. "Let me finish. All of this started the moment I came back. It's more than two years since the CBI was dismantled. Why would they wait for such a long time?"

"You don't know that, Jane. Maybe they were in prison, or they needed time to develop a plan."

He shook his head, staring at his hands. "No, whoever is behind this, they're trying to get to me, I'm sure of it."

"God, you're an idiot." Lisbon said exasperated and he looked at her in surprise.

"That's why you're avoiding everyone? Because you feel responsible?" She shook her head at him.

"Not everything bad happening is your fault, Jane." Now it was his turn to try to object only to be stopped by her. "And even if," she continued, "and I don't say it is, but even assuming you're right and they are after you, how does you isolating yourself help anyone? Can you tell me that? And while we're at it, a crazy murderer attacking you or the rest of us, wouldn't make this your fault!"

Jane murmured something unintelligibly, staring at his hands again.

"What?" Lisbon asked.

"Maybe I should never have come back," he said quietly, but it couldn't have hit her more if he'd shouted the words. Lisbon felt as if the air had been knocked out of her.

"i'm only causing all of you problems." He couldn't forget how she'd shouted at him on the plan. For the first time he'd realised, that maybe she didn't want him back, didn't want to work with him again. And now people were dying - again - because of him, or at least very likely because of him.

He looked up and took a sharp intake of breath. For a moment, the pain and terror was obvious in her eyes, then she managed to hide it behind anger.

"That's your solution? Wishing that you stayed on your damn island? Running away?" Lisbon asked incredulously, her voice shaking. After what he'd just seen in her eyes, Jane wasn't sure whether it was because of anger or worse, something else. He felt a sudden urge to reach for her, but knew better than to try it. In her current state it would only fuel her anger; she might even punch him. A sudden rush of excitement swept through him at that realisation. She'd looked horrified at the idea of him leaving. He knew it shouldn't please him, but it did. Then it dawned on him what he'd just done. He'd left her so many times in the past and with one careless sentence he'd reinforced the idea in her mind, that he wasn't to be trusted, that he might leave her again at any moment.

She turned away brusquely, unaware of the turmoil going on inside Jane's mind.

"You know what," she said, "do whatever you want. I'm don't care. I'm done." She walked to the door, but Jane came to his senses and stopped her; his hand on her arm.

"Teresa, wait!" He didn't continue until she looked at him. "I'm sorry", he began, "I didn't plan to say that."

"But you did mean it?" Her eyes bore into his.

"No. I didn't…it's just", he let go of her arm, rubbing a hand over his face. "I feel so helpless. This wasn't supposed to happen. You and the team were supposed to be safe and not targeted by a crazy killer. That's not how I imagined my return to the U.S."

He looked up, as he felt her hand closing around his upper arm.

"No, it wasn't supposed to happen this way, but it isn't your fault, Jane, or mine. We can't change what's happening, but we can do what we're best at, we can catch those bastards."

For a moment they both lapsed into silence.

She sighed. "I'll probably regret saying this, but we could use your help."

He chuckled, the tension that had filled the room moments before gone. "Are you saying that the joint forces of the former CBI and the FBI aren't enough to crack this case?"

"Let me rephrase it," she hadn't let go of his arm. "I don't need your help, but I want it. I'm sure we'd find a solution without you…just might take a wile longer and on the plus side cause Abbott less trouble."

It didn't happen often that Lisbon asked for help, Jane knew that better than anyone. And in this instant it meant even more than that. He could feel her grip around his arm tightening for a moment and she cleared her throat, a tad embarrassed, afraid that she might have given away too much. She'd tried to tease him by adding that last part, but it hadn't distracted him from the importance of her request. She not only wanted him to help, it was her way of telling him that she wanted him to stay. He smiled at her, the first sincere smile since she'd entered the Airstream.

"Well then, let's get to work."

He could sense the relief in her, as she returned his smile. "Good. The others are in the conference room, looking over what we've got so far."

Jane motioned her to lead the way and closed the door to the Airstream behind them.

"Well it's not Wagner or Volker, this isn't organised out of a prison and its not their style. Not sophisticated enough, besides Volker would make sure to let you know that he's the one behind it. Hutton is also out after today, but I never thought him to be our guy anyhow."

Lisbon tilted her head and looked at him from the side. "How comes you know what Cho and Rigby found out? I thought you weren't interested in the case?"

He shrugged, looking slightly guilty again. "I never said that, and just because I was working another case doesn't mean I hadn't time to think." He sighed theatrically. "It was a two hours drive to the fracking site, not even counting that it felt a lot longer with Fischer in the car. Believe me, I had more than enough spare time to contemplate the case."

She smiled, even though she knew she shouldn't encourage him to tease their colleague even further. He was making Kim's life difficult enough as it was, and while a small part of her rejoiced at the fact that he treated their superior with less respect than he'd treated her, she on the other hand felt bad for Fischer. She'd grown to like her, despite everything.

"They boys might wanna go out for some drinks afterwards", she told him on a completely different note. "You should join them."

He raised his eyebrows at her, but she only shrugged in response. It would do him good to get out once in a while.

"I'll think about it," he said vaguely, even though he'd already decided to go with them. He wouldn't admit that to her, at least not right away. The thought made him grin. It was bad enough that she'd forced him out of his shell, he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of following her orders again. She rolled her eyes at him and he suspected that she knew exactly what was going on in his head; at least for the moment.

* * *

**A/N: I might add another tag to 6x15 following up on this one..I'll see whether I find the time and motivation.**


	7. 6x15 -- Confiscated

**A/N: **Here is the tag to 6x15 I mentioned the last chapter. It's not at all how I imagined it. I hope you still like it.

(In case any of you are also following my multi-chapter story, i'm so sorry that I still haven't updated it. My current writer's block in combination with limited time available for writing keeps me from finishing the story. I hoped that this tag might at least free me of my writer's block and considering that I wrote something, for the first time in days or even weeks…I'm hopeful that I'll be able to work on the next chapter for "A trace of green" tomorrow evening.)

As always, reviews are very much appreciated, also critical ones.

* * *

**Confiscated**

_the end of 6x15…_

"Well, clearly, you can't, because I am sorry." Jane insisted.

Lisbon looked at him. "I can tell just by looking at you."

"But you can't see what I'm feeling"

…

Jane held the door open for her, studying her silently as she walked beside him. He'd tried to sound casually, but her words still stung. Was she being serious? Could she really think that he wasn't sorry? He had meant it. It pained him to think that she'd been scared, but he'd only tried to protect her from Abbott, she needed to understand that. All in all, he didn't regret what he'd done. They'd saved Grace after all, but he was sorry that he'd worried her by keeping her in the dark.

He guessed that it all boiled down to their different understandings of the word sorry. He sincerely was sorry for the pain he caused her, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't do exactly the same again, if he had to. He'd long suspected that for Lisbon an apology needed to be more than that. She wanted to hear from him that he would decide otherwise, that he would be open about everything the next time…and he just couldn't promise her that. His first priority was and had always been to keep her out of harms way… at least as much as possible. He tried not to think too much about all the times his need for revenge had hurt her in the past. Similar to the current situation, he would do most of it again. It had been necessary steps on his way to catching and killing Red John, but he also felt immensely sorry for the pain he'd caused her on so numerous occasions.

He'd hoped that he would be able to make it up to her, now that he'd been given a second chance to be part of her life. This time free of the demons of his past; or at least as free as it could get. It slowly dawned on him, that he hadn't done a particularly good job on that front since his return.

Lisbon eyed Jane as they walked in silence. He'd become suspiciously quiet, which wasn't a good sign. He and Rigsby had almost single-handedly saved Grace, she'd expected him to be more cheerful. Instead he seemed gloomy all of a sudden, as if a shadow had passed over him. It was something she'd noted the last weeks, that he occasionally seemed overcome by sadness, or rather reflectiveness.

He'd always deflected her inqueries in those situations, usually by teasing her or at least moving the discussion into a lighter area. She didn't expect it to be any different this time, which didn't stop her from trying nevertheless.

"Jane?"

To be sure, a grin spread across his face as he looked at her. A grin that might have fooled many, but not her. "It just occurred to me, that I was right after all."

"Right about what?" Lisbon asked him, slightly confused.

"I was right," Jane repeated. "Haibach was coming after me."

Lisbon rolled her eyes at him.

"He targeted all of us, not just you."

Jane didn't deny her that, but he also couldn't let it stand without having the last word.

"That might be true, but I was the main target. It was me, he wanted to hurt most." He paused for a moment, his voice more serious as he continued. "It was my fault, in the end, as I'd suspected."

Lisbon punched him on the arm - hard.

"Ouh…" he winced, rubbing his arm.

"Haibach coming after you doesn't make this your fault," she said sternly, "When will that finally get into that stubborn head of yours."

"I think I got it now," he said, sounding subdued; Lisbon didn't believe him, but it seemed pointless to argue any further.

He still hold on to his arm, and she felt slightly bad for the way she'd hit him - even though he had deserved it.

"Sorry," she murmured, motioning towards his arm.

Jane lowered his hand slowly. For a moment he pondered whether that had been a sorry more following his, or her definition of the word. He half suspected that for once, she used it in his manner. He didn't dare to test his theory though by asking her, because a confirmation of his suspicion would likely result in another punch and he wasn't to keen on that. He didn't really know why he mentioned the topic at all. It just had been the first thing that came to his mind, when Lisbon caught him deep in thoughts.

They reached the limousine and Jane grinned, as he noted Lisbon shaking her head as she saw it. "I still can't believe you stole a car and left the lawyer on the side of the road."

Jane leaned against the the car.

"I didn't steal a car", he corrected her. "I confiscated it, I'm with the FBI, after all."

Lisbon snorted. "First of all, you're just an FBI consultant, and second, I don't think your little stunt was authorised - which makes this, " she pointed at the car, "a theft and nothing else. Not even talking about the kidnapping."

"Meh, " Jane waived his hands, "minor quibbles. Besides, I'm pretty sure in Abbott's report it will be authorised."

A smile ghosted across Lisbon's face. "Yeah, I guess you might be right about that."

She was sure that Abbott wouldn't let Jane get into troubles. He'd cover his back, even more so because everything had ended well.

"I'm glad I don't have to write that report," she said with a shudder. She could only imagine what a struggle it would be to make something more or less legal out of it. She'd had her fair share of dealing with those kind of situations in the past.

Jane thoughts seemed to have wandered in a similar direction.

"Do you miss it sometimes" he asked her, "writing the reports? " She stared at him in disbelief, why on earth would anyone miss those reports? He paused, likely sensing her confusion and then added, "I mean, do you miss being the one in charge?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I don't know; not really." She hadn't given this much thought. After her time as a small-town sheriff, the FBI had seemed like everything she'd hoped for, especially because she hadn't believed to be ever given such a position again.

"No," she finally said with more conviction. "I don't miss it. It is nice not to have all the responsibility for once." At least for the moment she was content with what she was doing. She grinned at him, remembering the first part of his question, "And I definitely don't miss having to fill out all the paperwork."

He seemed relieved; which was odd and got her thinking.

"I'm glad to hear that, " he said softly.

It struck her, that she actually never had thanked him for his role in the acquisition of her new job. It hadn't even crossed her mind until that moment. It almost scared her; it seemed remarkably rude and unusual for her. It was another indication of how many things had gone wrong since she returned to work with Jane. Somehow they both had struggled with finding themselves suddenly working alongside each other again…or no maybe that wasn't the truth. She'd been the one struggling, she had kept him at a distance ever since they worked their first case together. She swallowed, feeling very guilty and almost sick all of a sudden. She couldn't really understand why she'd been so harsh with him sometimes. She loved to work with him again, to having him back in her life. God, she'd missed him so much, sometimes it had felt as if his letters had been the one thing keeping her going. The more it pained her to realise, that she never told him as much. And somehow she still couldn't, something was keeping her back, but she at least could try to make small steps towards the truth.

"Thank you," she said quietly, "for giving me the opportunity to work for the FBI."

Jane seemed taken aback by her words. Lisbon felt slightly embarassed, which in turn annoyed her exceedingly. Why on earth had she to struggle she so much when it came to doing something as simple as telling him how thankful she was, or how much he meant to her.

Jane didn't seem to notice how flustered she was, or he chose to ignore it, for her sake, which was more likely.

"It was the least I could do," he said sincere, and then added, lowering his gaze. "I was the one costing you your former job, after all."

And there they were again. Lisbon sighed.

"You know," she said, "I should punch you again for that."

He chuckled, which elicited a smile from her too. Lisbon considered for a moment, telling him again that not everything was his fault, but she decided against it. He knew her opinion very well and if she didn't manage to convince him up to now, repeating it another time wouldn't change that. Instead she opted for something that would surprise him - hell, she even surprised herself with it.

"I'm glad that we're here again," she began, her voice laced with a faint tremor. "Despite everything that happened, we're working together again and I'm thankful for it. There was a time when I feared I might never see you again." His eyes were transfixed on her, making the next words even harder.

"It just wasn't the same without you."

He didn't reply. instead he hugged her. For the fraction of a second Lisbon was surprised, but then she embraced him in turn; holding on fiercely. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could hear and feel that he did the same, which made her smile. It seemed they both were more emotional than usual. Well, they always could blame it on Jane's brush with death. The thought momentarily took her breath away. It had been close; not just for Grace and Wayne, but also for him, too close.

He didn't let go of her and Lisbon didn't mind. It was the first time he was as close to her since they day he returned from South America. It almost felt symbolic, mirroring their reunion. Maybe it was time to forget everything thad had gone wrong afterwards and start anew.

Jane slowly let go of Lisbon and stepped back. He didn't know what had come over him, but he didn't regret it.

Lisbon cleared her throat. "We should get going," she said slightly flustered, "it's a long drive."

Jane nodded, reaching for the keys in his pocket. He felt slightly lightheaded, which was partly due to what just had happened, but also a consequence of not having gotten nearly enough sleep over the last few days.

"Do you want to drive?" he asked her. "We both know how much you despise my driving abilities."

Lisbon studied him for a moment and he suspected that she saw through his little pretence. She snatched the keys out of his hands. "Well that was easy. I was afraid I might have to fight you for the keys." Jane grinned while he walked around the car and got into the passenger seat.

"I know when I've lost the battle."

Lisbon started the engine and Jane leaned back against his chair, yawning. "Besides, I've had enough adrenaline for a while." He flexed his right hand with five very much intact fingers.

"You could say that," Lisbon murmured as she pulled the car out of the parking lot.

After a moment she added, "I wonder what it is with you and people trying to cut off your fingers. It was the third tine, wasn't it? What's so special about them?"

Jane turned his head towards her, grinning.

"Yes it was and to the last question…Well, "he said in a low voice, "wouldn't you like to know."

Lisbon faced him, confusion rapidly being replaced by an endearing blush. She laughed, but he could hear the slight nervousness, which made him grin even more. For the first time in many weeks he felt completely and utterly at ease. She was here with him and the strange awkwardness that had accompanied many of their interactions the last few weeks was fading rapidly. It would be okay; they would be okay.


End file.
